The first 5 years

My kidlets

So I’m a biological mum of 2 young kids. These two are my world (like most parents) and it didn’t dawn on me just how big a responsibility I have been given in raising these two to be reasonable human beings.

My husband read somewhere that the first 5 years of your child’s life is the time that they are sponges. It’s those years that set them up for their future and put the foundations in place for their lives. What your child learns in that time has such a huge impact on what and who they will be when they grow up. I’m not talking about trying to get them to do a certain career… I’m talking about morals, values and beliefs.

What things am I teaching my children that will stick with them for life. What are they seeing as normal behaviour and what are they learning about food, health, and how to treat others? I hope I’m teaching them to be kind, look out for themselves and others. To eat foods that are good for them and that while life isn’t always fair, you can make the best out of most situations. I’ve spent a lot of time reading and colouring in with them and teaching them ways to deal with anger and frustrations without getting physical.

Being a parent is a tough but rewarding job and while there are days that I’m exhausted, the good far outweighs the bad.

I’m far from a perfect parent. I get cranky, I yell, I get fed up with no one listening and have feelings that I’m alone and doing it all myself. I know though that those moments are full of false statements. I’m far from alone, I have friends and family who consistently support and help me, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m alone sometimes.

5 years seems like a long time, but honestly….you blink, and that 5 years is gone. I’ve been trying to remind myself that I shouldn’t take it for granted. That my kids are growing up fast and even though I work and have things to do. Things can wait or go slower in order for my kids to come first. Their mental and physical health is paramount and I want them to have the best start in life that they can have. I want the 5 years of sponge brains to learn as much as possible. To invest as much as I can into them so that when they get older those things stick with them. Sometimes we get so caught up in providing stuff for our families that we forget that time is what they need most. Love, support, kindness and time.

Self Care

I don’t know how many times I’ve read things like ‘mums, to get a break, have a shower or do the dishes with your headphones on’. This gets me cranky every time I read it. Self care is so important. If we are not filling our own cup, we have nothing to pour out to others. As the old saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

I’ve made conscious changes in my life to look after myself better. Most of these changes I have to do without the help of my husband or relying on him to have the kids. He’s a great dad….I just get tired of asking for, what seems like, permission to do things for myself. He doesn’t normally say no to me if I ask him to have the kids so I can go to the gym etc but I get tired of having to ask that question as we, as women, are expected to be the primary carers for our kids.

My Cat Olaf. The creature that reminds me to slow down

So how do I make it work for me? I go to the gym when the kids are in care. I workout at home after the kids are in bed at night. I make sure that each day I do something that’s all about me for at least 30mins. It could be reading my book before falling asleep, exercising, doing a jigsaw puzzle, playing my playstation or switch. I like picking things that use my mind. I find that when I do things that use my mind, I then can zone out and not think about all the little things I should be doing (or feel I should be doing).

The days that I don’t have time for myself are the days that I lose it at my kids. Get cranky with my husband and generally feel crap about things. I also make sure that I have systems in place that make my housework and other tasks easier to keep on top of. For house work, I have a laundry roster – I do one persons washing per day, I have an app I use for my cleaning tasks around the house and I keep a planner/diary for all the bits and pieces that I need or want to achieve in a day.

Having these systems in place makes it easier for me to find time for me. I schedule it in. Sometimes I have 5 or 6 kids at home and those are the days I need me time more than ever.

So make sure you are a priority for yourself. You can’t look after others if you are not looking after yourself.

Tired

What a week it’s been!

Ever been so tired that you can’t function? That all your days run together and life just becomes one big blur? That’s where I’m at this week. Life has been hectic and adding in almost two weeks of 12 hour days working as an electrician has certainly taken it out of me. I find these are the times that I need to be the most organised so that things progress even when my brain can’t process things easily. It takes all my concentration to do my job some days – and that’s ok – but other parts of my life need to still function.

My planner and organisation skills become my best friend when I’m in this mode. I make lists and make sure I check things off them so that I’m not neglecting anything that needs to happen outside of work (hopefully). I set reminders in my phone and give myself some grace that sometimes…. things can be left for another day.

It’s taken me a while to learn that it doesn’t matter if something gets pushed back, moved, changed. It will still happen and can still happen.

What do you do to help you stay on task when life is busy? Do you just let it fall apart? or do you have processes in place to make sure the essentials still happen?

In sickness and in health

So what do you do when all your plans are thrown out the window because you are sick? or your child is sick?   When you stop being sick, you pick up from where you left off. Don’t try to catch up, don’t try to do it all in one day. Just start following your plan again when you can. It’s like pressing a pause button. Sometimes we press them for ourselves, holidays etc, and sometimes they are pressed for us. Don’t get hung up on something you can’t control. Just control what you can right now. If your sick, stressing about what you ‘should’ be doing is just going to make it take longer for you to be healthy and able to function again. So stop keeping those plans chiseled in stone and make them fluid. Everything can be moved and people will survive if you can’t be at something because you or your child/partner are unwell.

Who’s expectations??

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Waking up today, I did my normal routine. Get up, get kids ready for the day and then when they were all set I sat down with a coffee and my phone to go through my emails and organise my day. For some reason this morning I clicked on Pinterest and happened upon an article that was entitled 10 things all good mum’s do each morning (or at lease something pretty similar to that.. This article then went in to listing what us Mother’s should get done before our proper day begins. Some of these things were obvious to me while others shocked me that we put this much pressure on ourselves. Make your bed – sure, get dressed for the day – I can see the point, getting my excercise done – I wish it would fit in that time slot each day, it rarely does. Tidy the house – ok….hold up a minute. I’m meant to tidy my house to start the day?? To what standard? A general pick up the crap or a top to bottom wipe and clean of all surfaces? Who’s expectations are you living up to? I’m organised and like things certain ways but consistently find myself measuring myself against other peoples ideas. If you want to be the person who does those 10 things before starting your day – set the goal and go for it. If that isn’t you, then stop measuring yourself against things you’ll never do because your heart isn’t in it. I can teach people to plan, I can plan for myself, but those plans mean nothing if there is no drive or ambition to accomplish someone else’s standards.  The best plans work when you actually really want what you are setting out. Stop living to others standards and start planning in a way that works for you and makes you excited for what is to come.

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